This next part of my life is both wonderful and incredibly dark at the same time. Wonderful because I was blessed with my 2 boys, and the dark? It was just dark. I’m not trying to slander jackass exhubby (who will now be known as JEH IF I have to mention him). I honestly am going to mention him as few times as possible. I REFUSE to give him any more power or influence than he’s taken. He and his wife have also been known to stalk my blogs, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re sitting there reading this together plotting how to “get me back”. That used to bother me…. Now they have no power. I’m also not telling EVERYTHING. There are some things that are just private.
Long story short I got married, moved to Texas from Alabama, and started my first teaching job. I knew immediately that the marriage wasn’t what it needed to be. Why did I stay? You’ll see in a minute. As soon as we got to TX I made an appt with an ob/gyn. I had been having SO many problems with my “lady business”, and I needed my BC pills. During the exam I flinched with immediate pain. The doctor looked at me and asked if I’d ever been diagnosed with endometriosis… Huh? What the heck is that? I’d never even heard of it. You can read a wonderful explanation of endometriosis here. I had my first scope the next morning. Basically I was covered. The dr. came out and told JEX that if we wanted babies we needed to have them then, or I would probably never be able to. I was 23 years old, miles away from my family and friends, about to start my first teaching job, and scared to death. I will NEVER regret the decision I made that day, because this is the way God chose to send me my boys. Those boys are so precious to me, and I would go back and live through it all again to have them. They are worth it.
4 months later I was pregnant. Within 3 weeks I was the sickest pregnant lady you can imagine. Not only was I throwing up every single hour I was also dizzy all the time. I was stumbling everywhere. I was teaching my first class of third graders and was missing so much work. At my next appt the nurse looked at me in that funny “oh my goodness there’s something really wrong with you” look after she took my blood pressure. It was LOW. Low is not a low enough word. I had to wear some serious compression hoses just to make it through the day. I lost 12 lbs before I ever gained one. I weighed 114 lbs when I was 3 months pregnant. I was walking around (or trying to) in a constant state of dehydration. It was a difficult pregnancy from beginning to end. My uterus was shaped all wonky, and the placenta started growing across the bottom instead the side or top. All these are symptoms of DYS. Most women will have some really messed up lady business, and I certainly did. I had to have ultrasounds constantly…When I completed that school year I was about 5 months pregnant and was finally feeling better. I threw up for 5 months solid. Logan was a tough little baby in utero. He had to have been. That summer I laid around all the time. I would almost pass out every time I stood up and just felt crummy. There were lots of other complications…so many I can’t even remember them all.
The Friday that I was 37 weeks pregnant I felt worse than normal. I had a serious headache that wouldn’t go away. I just didn’t feel right. I had an appt. that afternoon, and my BP was sky high. Don’t you think that should’ve been a HUGE RED WAVING FLAG for someone who barely had a BP to start with? I didn’t know enough about that kind of stuff (23 years old :), but I KNEW something wasn’t right. When we got home from that appt I passed out in our yard on the way to the door. Passed out. 37 weeks pregnant. I will say that at this point it was the happiest part of this marriage. I really believe that EH loved me at this point as much as he knew how. If he would’ve been horrible I probably would’ve just lost it. He took me right back to the drs office where they took my BP AGAIN. It was a Friday afternoon, and I was one day shy of being 38 weeks. They should have taken me directly to the hospital and induced labor. Wanna know why they didn’t? My dr had a little vacay planned for the weekend. He actually said to me, “Come back Monday. If you’re still this bad we’ll induce.” Are you kidding me? The nurses even looked at him like he’d lost it. So home I went. I felt like I was gonna die, but didn’t the dr know what he was doing? He was a dr after all…. It was a scary few hours. My head hurt so stinkin’ bad I was crying. Somehow I fell asleep and slept until 2:00am. I woke up to go to the bathroom, and my water broke all over the place. I made all the necessary phone calls and headed to the hospital. When I got there they immediately took my BP and said it was dangerously high. If I didn’t respond immediately to the meds then I would have an emergency C section. The nurse came in to hook up the magnesium sulfate and did something to the IV that caused me to have an overdose. My eyes rolled back in my head, and I think I blacked out. She got it fixed (yeah thanks) and my BP did respond a little. It wasn’t enough to make the dr comfortable, so they gave me pitocin to speed the labor up. I got my epidural (during which they knicked my spinal column) and progressed quickly. I pushed for an hour and my little Logan was born. I’d like to say that was full of immediate love and was gushing, but all I was gushing was blood. When the nurses came in to check a few minutes after the birth they found the bed soaked with blood. It took them a while to get the bleeding to stop, and I was one point short of a blood transfusion. I know now that with my DYS I did need a transfusion, because I only have 80-85% of the blood volume of a normal person. To say I was sick doesn’t even cover it. My sisters arrived from Alabama about an hour after Logan was born. My BP was so out of control, but I can’t really tell you what happened. My sister was in nursing school at the time and knew enough to be furious at the lack of care I was receiving… I was released from the hospital less than 24 hours after that grueling delivery. SENT HOME. I wouldn’t have survived without Jenny and Lee. They took over, and I was glad to let them. I was trying to breastfeed and just wasn’t making any milk. Duh. I didn’t have any blood in my body. Logan was screaming with hunger by the next night. I was so sick and miserable, but EH wouldn’t hear of me not breastfeeding. I just had to “push through it”….didn’t I care about what was best for the baby? Honestly, I just wanted to be left alone. I had no interest in the baby and just wanted to sleep. I was having shooting pain all the way up my back to my neck (from the epidural) and couldn’t even look down when I was trying to nurse. That night when Logan was screaming Jenny and Lee got up, sterilized bottles, and fed that baby some formula. He guzzled 4 ounces without even taking a breath. At least with them bottle feeding him I could try to rest. Over the next 3 weeks I had my sisters, my ex inlaws, and FINALLY my mama. She knew I was sick and took over total care of me and let EH take care of Logan. I look back at pictures now and am astonished how I looked. I looked dead. I had NO color in my skin from losing all that blood, and my dark circles looked like black eyes. It’s a miracle I survived.
When my parents left and JEH went back to work I was scared to death. I was finally beginning to feel better but wasn’t normal yet. I remember rocking Logan after a bottle that week. I looked down at him and was amazed at the love I felt for him. It was like a light shone down from Heaven. This was MY baby. MY little man. MY Logan. I was so full of love for him and full of gratitude for God. That little man kept me sane and my life bearable. Thank God for Logan. What a miracle and blessing he is.
Over the next few months we moved home (hallelujah) and settled into life. Logan was a joy. My new dr. suggested that I not wait too long to try to get pregnant again. I got pregnant with Hayden the week Logan turned one. I just thought my first pregnancy was difficult! Hayden proved me wrong.
Part 4 coming soon