Sunday, August 7, 2011
In the last week God has changed my heart from a mother who thought her family was complete into a mother whose heart is filled with love and longing for a baby. It's truly amazing. I will admit that it wasn't easy getting to this point. I argued with God more about this than I ever have. The following is a conversation I had with Him last week while I was in the bathtub:
Me: God? Ummm. I need some clarification from you.... Is this screaming in my head about a new baby from you or some secret longing I didn't know I had?
God: All good things come from me.
Me: God. I'm 41 and have 4 children
Me: I was just starting to get my life back. Andrew and I have been able to travel, and we won't be able to do ANYTHING again for years.
God: It isn't about YOU.
Me: I thought I was done.
God: Are you ever done serving me?
He then showed me all the times over the last 3-4 months when I've had a conversation with people considering adoption. Over and over I heard, "I've always wanted to adopt, BUT". I never let them past the but. Don't give me buts. I have a pacemaker and health issues. If I can do it anyone can. God only whispers to certain people about adoption. If you're getting that nudge what are you waiting for? "Well, we don't have the money, and I heard it was expensive." I hit right back with the fact that God sent over $64,000 over for both of the girl's adoptions. Don't give me excuses! If you're supposed to do it, then just do it for Pete's sake...
After that I actually laughed out loud in the tub. He gives it to me as good as I give it! :) After some intense conversations with Andrew (who hadn't given into the nudging) we finally agreed that "if God is going to make us do it we will. But we don't want to." What a crappy attitude I had. I was having these urgent feelings to get started...I couldn't sleep or eat...My stomach was upset constantly. I called several agencies. They were all great, but I didn't feel like my baby was there. I finally made some big decisions Thursday (I'll share later) and was at peace. I knew we were on the right track to our baby.
Friday I was cleaning my house with my headphones on listening to my Christian music. All of a sudden I heard some lyrics that completely got my attention. I started bawling and was just covered with His Spirit. I tear up now just thinking about it. I realized in that moment that while I was fighting God and demanding explanation He was trying to give me the biggest blessing He can give. While I was whining He was trying to make me mother to another child. Me. Lou. He trusted ME with another one of his beloved. I was overcome with humility and immense gratitude. I just stood there crying and thanking Him. Last night at church He confirmed so much to Andrew and me with music and the message. We went to the altar where we both cried like babies and prayed for our son. See. I know the baby's a boy. I just feel it in my heart, and Andrew does too. I have NO idea when he's coming, but I do feel it will be soon...The way God changed us so quickly and gave me all those urgent feelings are for a reason He will reveal in time...
You know what? If we wouldn't have listened and ignored Him we would've been abandoning our child and denying our family of the love and joy he will bring. Wouldn't have that been awful? More awful that words can say? Now I can't imagine not being on this path running towards my son.
I invite you all to share this journey with us. If you're not a long time reader let me fill you in on something: God LOVES to do some crazy amazing business with our adoptions. He LOVES to perform visible miracles, and they're a sight to behold. This journey isn't only about the baby...it's also about my continuing journey towards Jesus. Everyday He brings me closer, and I can't wait to see what He does for our son. I promise He will amaze you. He rocks like that. God loves to show out with adoptions. :)
So peeps, if you're going to hang around buckle up, and hold on tight. I don't know what God is going to do for all of us through this, but I know He's going to bring me my son in a HUGE way. I just feel it.
How amazing is our God? I mean seriously. How AMAZING IS OUR GOD? He amazes me more with each and every day.
I'm going to give more details over the next few days about all we're doing and how we're proceeding. It's such an exciting time. I am going to ask every single one of you to pray for our son and his birthmother. I am praying for her peace and to have His direction with her decision. I pray for the health of our birthmother and especially our baby. Do you want to know his name?
Oliver Andrew Lynn.
Ollie for short.
Come along with me on my journey to Ollie.
Edited... There has been a name change (or 10), but his name is OFFICIALLY
John Andrew Lynn... Our John Andrew
and then it was about ten other names until the PERFECT name for our son:
Hudson Roberts Lynn with a story coming soon.
I love you guys.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
There are many reasons for my long blogging absence. I took time to really look at myself and what I wanted for my life. I’ve always loved the Lord and felt His presence in my life. His presence was especially strong during the adoptions… Once Essie came home things changed..life stopped… All of a sudden we were basically trapped at home. Essie couldn’t bear for me to be out of her sight, so church was out of the question. I’ve noticed that when I’m not in fellowship that it’s so easy to slip out of “The Walk”. Life in the natural world takes over…we start worrying about the day to day things going on, and His presence fades away. Granted. He’s always there. It’s us who push Him away. This spring I experienced the biggest hunger for God. I knew that Jesus was calling me, and I wanted to listen. He started speaking to me through music and people around me… He started whispering in my ear and pulling me back to Him. Out of the blue one day I announced to Andrew that we were visiting a church close to Fairhope named Bay Community. As soon as we walked in that church we knew we were home. I couldn’t get enough of my Bible. I read and understood more than ever before. I’ve almost completed the entire Bible in a little over 3 months. God has put so many people in my life that have helped me on my walk back to Him. Our entire lives have changed! We have always been a happy family, but things are different. I’m closer to Jesus than I ever have been. My focus has changed.
I began to see that I was always looking for acceptance from you guys. I NEEDED for you to like the things that I did… I was too worried about it. I want to share my life but not for attention or adoration. I just want to be real. Some HUGE things have happened to me and my family, and I’m going to be sharing those things… I will tell you that we have something BIG happening in our lives right now. That’s a post or 10 in itself that I’ll tackle soon.
God has put so many GOOD CHRISTIAN friends in my path. Some are new friends…some are old… All are loved. He has blessed me so much, and I just want to share it with you guys. I’m sure there will be furniture and clothes posts, because those are things I love to do… There will be more about my family and our journey to the things God has in store for us. I hope you’ll tag along, but it may not interest you. That’s ok too. I’ve learned that those who need to read it will find it.
Love to all of you.