Sunday, January 8, 2012

God makes beautiful things….even through scammers.

When I look back today at that devastating moment just a couple of short months ago it seems like yesterday and 10 years ago at the same time. That day became a defining moment in my life and more importantly my relationship with Jesus. I'm actually sitting in the same spot on my sofa (not intentionally) where I was when the realization that we had been attacked by evil hit me. I can't really explain that moment...The moment when I KNEW that it was a lie. I do need to make something clear here. At this point WE STILL THOUGHT SHE HAD A BABY. That we weren't getting the baby was devastating enough, but more than anything else we were frantic for the safety of that  baby... In my mind there was an innocent little angel being sold to the highest bidder. I didn't know that she had gotten that picture of "Jeremiah" from the Internet or a picture frame at the dollar store. I was operating on the assumption that the baby was in danger. In this short period of just a few minutes I experienced every human emotion possible....well, except for happy and all words that mean the same. There was no happiness here at that point. Just try to picture a dark hole of devastation sucking every thing out of me. When she texted me (the coward refused to talk) that she wasn't giving us the baby my first emotion was devastation.... I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. Literally. I was sobbing and gagging...I kept thinking I would throw up. I remember the exact look in Andrew's eyes. I saw pain...His pain wasn't about the baby. I could see how hurt he was seeing ME hurt. What do you say in a moment like that? There are no natural words... there is nothing HUMAN that can be done for a broken heart. My heart was broken...not just for the baby.. mostly for humanity or the loss of it. HOW in the world could someone be SO evil? How could a mother use a child for financial gain? How could someone be so flippant about the hurt she caused others? I can tell you how, and his name is Satan. I would experience extreme grief then anger. Serious anger. Anger like DeAmberdevilgirlyoubetterbegladIcan'tgetmyhandsonyoubecauseIdon'tknowwhatIwoulddotoyou anger. I remember holding my cell phone contemplating all the ways I was going to let this evil girl have it...Oh, trust me. I had some fine things planned for her......

Then everything changed, and his name is Jesus.

I love Jesus. Every day when I wake up He is my first coherant thought. I try my best every second of every day to do what He would have me to do. At least that's what I say. I've had the opportunity many times in my life to do what He wanted me to do in that moment, but this was the first time I obeyed.

As I was about to type my very human selfish message to DeAmber (as she called herself) I was filled with the MOST AMAZING LOVE I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE. Love. For DeAmber. For the girl who had just devastated my entire family and broken my heart. Love. Pure love. Instead of being the angry person I wanted to be, I let Jesus make me who HE wanted me to be. I got to feel a TINY fraction of the love he feels for us....the love he has for us NO matter what we do...kill, lie, cheat, steal...selfishness, vanity, anger, entitlement. It grieves him to no end, but He loves us anyway. So... instead of lashing out at her in anger I let Him give me the words for her...the words that told of the love He had for her, which was evident in the fact that He was having me reach out to her instead of hating her. I told her that I couldn't imagine what had happened in her life that made it seem like what she did was ok or made her capable of doing it. I told her that Jesus loved her and was reaching out to her at that moment. She didn't care. I think that's what hit me the hardest. She didn't care what He was offering her after she did what she did. In her mind she had done nothing wrong. It didn't matter how she had hurt not only Andrew and me but also our children...She didn't care..... or she did care but was so full of evil she didn't want to try to fight for herself. I don't know...

When her attitude of indifference was apparent things changed. The Holy Spirit was giving me things to say to her that would NEVER come out of MY mouth. I would NEVER be bold enough to say the truths he had me say to her. I'd try to walk away, and He'd bring me back to tell her something else. When she wasn't responsive Jesus told me it was ok "to dust off my shoes and walk away". (Matthew 10:6). So I did.

Wow. I didn't know how else to explain what had just happened. Wow. How do you explain what had just happened to me?? With words??? I didn't really know how. As amazing as this sounds the MOST amazing part of this story hasn't happened yet. I started explaining to my dear spirit twin Andrea what had happened with words... Not texts. Words. Words that enter the atmosphere...words that are HEARD by all. Something happened in that moment when I spoke the words of God...the words He gave me to speak. WHEN THE WORDS CAME OUT THE WALL CAME DOWN, and OH How the wall came down.

The power of the words of the Lord. Amazing power people. That part of the story comes next, and I promise. It's GOOOOOOD. This is where the happy comes back.

Dear God, thank you for this part of my life, and thank you for allowing me to share it with these people. Most of these people I've never met or will never know. I know there is a purpose in all you do, and I pray that this story you've given me will give someone somewhere what they need. It's not about me. It's all about you, and your honor, and your amazing glory. Please use what you've done in me to touch the person or people out there that you've had me share this story for. Please lead all those who need it to this place to read it. My biggest prayer is that through this you would lead someone to you in a way they've never experienced before. It's all for you. I love you with my everything. Amen.

I am usually hesitant about sharing this entire story with "strangers", but I've come to realize that it's not MY story. It belongs to Jesus, and the whole purpose is to glorify him and bring more people to his Kingdom. I'm asking that you share this story. Share it on your blogs, on your Facebook, through your email. Send to who God leads you to.....

Part one of the story can be found here, and the story of how we were led to adopt again can be found here.


Bonnie@Creative Decorating said...

I have so been waiting for the next stage of this story! God is miraculous and can handle everything if we just allow Him to do so.

I have had a few instances where His words came out of my mouth. Not something I would have said but what He wanted me to say. It is peaceful.

I will be patiently waiting for the "rest of the story"! Have a blessed Sunday!

Andrea Beam said...

So glad you're blogging again...have missed you! :) Love from South Carolina!

Bonnie@Creative Decorating said...

I have posted with links to your story and am planning to link to Inspiration Friday at The Picket Fence if that is okay with you. I have been inspired by you and hope that others will as well.

Have a good day!


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