Wednesday, October 24, 2012
I was looking back yesterday at the last date I posted....The few days before Oct. 3 I was posting a lot. I was filled with things God wanted me to say.... Have you wondered where I've been? At 3 am on October 3 I got a phone call that Hudson’s first mommy was in labor. She was headed to the hospital and wanted us to come THEN. I was immediately up and running around like crazy. I had things packed for Hudson but not for Andrew and me.... It crossed my mind several times that she was a little early (4 weeks), but I didn't give it much thought.
We arrived at the hospital with plenty of time to spare and spent the day with Hudson's first mommy as she prepared to give birth. We shared some precious times that I will never forget, and we were there with her when she brought our Hudson into the world at 4:04 pm. It was a miraculous experience that I will always treasure. Hudson was born at 36 weeks and had immediate breathing issues. He was in the NICU for 9 days until we got to leave with him and take him to our hotel....During those days God did so much for all of us and performed so many miracles for Hudson. There are so many things I can't wait to share.... I know that God wants me to tell the story of Hudson. I was so blessed to be able to share his story with SO many people around that hospital, and I am still sharing his story whenever I get a chance. I will tell the entire story over time, and I still have so much to tell about the days that led up to Hudson's birth. There's SO much to tell.... Be patient with me. I will tell it all.
Today I just want you to know that whoever you are and wherever you are that God loves you. He loves you whether you love Him back or not. He exists, and His Existence has nothing to do with whether or not you believe in Him. He is God, and He has plans for YOUR life. There's nothing special about me people... He can do the same amazing things in your life if you just let Him. I pray that through Hudson's story some of you will have a new encounter with our Father and see Him in a new way. If you have any questions feel free to leave me a question in the comment section, or email me. If there are parts of Hudson's story that you want to know more about I will be happy to share that too.
Thank you for still being here and caring about Hudson and my family. I feel honored to be able to share his story with you.
I only got to hold him for a minute before they took him away. Look how bad his coloring was…..
This is around midnight the day Hudson was born. We had to wait hours to see him. When we finally got to I kept myself together in there but sobbed all the way back down the hall… my poor sweet baby.
And Hudson a couple of days ago. God is SO good.
Love you all,
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Fast forward to today and Hudson's adoption. In our grief and confusion we had agreed that maybe God didn't want us to adopt... We were trying to move forward in our lives. We started saving for the down payment of a new home, and I'm thankful that we did. Those few thousand dollars would become what we had to pay for the adoption. It's kinda funny, because we had the exact amount that it usually costs with our attorney in a NORMAL adoption. Guys, have you ever known anything NORMAL to happen to ME? Nope. Not the way I roll. Hudson's adoption is out of state, and that almost doubles the cost, because we had to hire attorneys and social workers in Louisiana as well as Alabama. We also have to be prepared to stay 5-10 business days in Louisiana after Hudson is released from the hospital. In my "old life" and in my old patterns I would be a nervous wreck about right now... I mean come on! Now Hudson is coming earlier than we thought, and we don't have this money. Go ahead. Ask me if I'm worried or nervous. My answer is a loud and resounding "NO!" Why? Because I know that God's got this.
I'm sure you know that there's a conversation with God somewhere waiting to be told, and here it is. Andrew and I have been praying non stop about financial provision since we were blessed with Alex and Hudson. We have trusted that God will send it, although we have NO idea where it will come from.... That actually excites me. Here we are...awaiting the birth of our promised son, and we have NO idea where the money will come to pay for it. :) No idea. That means we get to sit back and watch our Father go to work. We are going to get to have a front row seat in the "God will send everything we need for Hudson" show. Don't you want to watch too? Who doesn't want to see a miracle? Right? I don't know about you, but I'm ALWAYS up for a miracle. I love miracles.... and God LOVES to bless His children with miracles... I feel a BIG miracle coming.
Now. This is where it's going to get real. I have been praying about what to do. Do we wait? Do we have fundraisers? Do we do some raffles? Sunday morning when I woke up and told Jesus good morning He said, "I have prepared the hearts of the people who are going to send provision. Do it now." Well. Nothing like clear direction from Jesus. I'll take it over advice and my own whimpy ideas any day of the week.
God made it clear to me that this isn't about Andrew, me, or even Hudson. It's about you. In the whole scheme of things money is nothing to God. It's all His anyway. He could choose to send provision any way He wants, but He has chosen you. He made it very clear to me that He is giving His children the opportunity to take part in the miracle of Hudson. He wants you to own a part of the miracle that IS Hudson. This may sound weird to you all, but I say what God tells me to say. Sometimes it's awkward for me, because I'm not God. I'm just Loulou. I have learned to trust Him and His Word and not my own. SO... God says, He is blessing YOU by ALLOWING you to bless Hudson. In other words, you're not doing Him a favor by chipping in a few bucks. Now from ME I'm overwhelmed and honored that you would give a dollar. God evidently has plans for some of you. That's between you and Him.
I did pray specifically that only those who's hearts God had prepared would give. I don't want one single person giving out of a sense of obligation....I ONLY want provision that God is directing His children to give. And guess what? Even if you get your drawers all in a wad over this, get mad at me, and don't give anything I STILL LOVE YOU AND SO DOES GOD. You may NOT be meant to bless Hudson. I don't know... I don't know ANY of this, but I do know this is how God wants it. And who am I to question Him? I also know that this adoption will be funded the way God wants it funded....
I guess now it's time to tell you how you can help. God has made it clear to me that He doesn't want me to specify an amount, that He will send us what He wants us to have. It's not about a number. It's about FAITH, TRUST, and BELIEVING Him. Not believing IN Him. Believing HIM. Believe what He says He can do and will do. So that's what I'm doing. For now I'm going to set up a neat little button on my sidebar where you can donate if God leads you to do so. If He leads us to go ahead with a raffle or two, then we'll do that....but this is the way He wants it for now. Andrew and I are overwhelmed and thankful that you even care to read the story of Hudson. We are so blessed if any of you decide to give any amount. It's not about an amount of money. It's about watching God work. And that's my favorite thing to do.
I love each and every one of you who has given your time and love through prayer through this entire process. I don't think I would have made it and been the person I am in Christ right now if you all hadn't gone before Him FOR me. For that I am eternally grateful. If you decide that all you are supposed to do is pray, then we accept that as gladly as we do any amount of money. Your prayers mean WAY more to us than a donation. Whatever you do I pray that God will bless you through it. I know He will. He ALWAYS blesses His children.
I love you all,
Yesterday Andrew and I drove to Louisiana to go with Alex to her drs appointment. She has been feeling a lot of pressure and pain and is generally feeling like she's about to "pop". Little back history: Alex has never been entirely sure just how pregnant she is. Due to circumstances she didn't have any medical care until she was 24 weeks pregnant. When they did an ultrasound the due date given was Oct. 29. That really never made much sense to her when she was looking at dates. Fast forward to weeks 30 and 33 of the pregnancy. She had another regular ultrasound AND a 4-d ultrasound, where they told us he weighed 4 lbs. Their prediction based on his size was Oct. 19. The one at 30 weeks was Oct. 20.... SO the drs are WRONG. LOL. When we went yesterday she had already dilated to 1cm. Our boy is "down and in position". She also dropped dramatically last weekend. This isn't her first baby, and she recognizes the changes that are happening to her body and to Hudson.
So, we are on GO. I am sterilizing bottles and getting everything packed up today. We are on the schedule to be induced Oct. 23 if she hasn't had him by then. No body thinks that's very likely. I AM HAVING A BABY. SOON. I know that most of you have traveled this entire journey with us, and so you know the significance of those words. You know these words are part of God's promise made to me in my bathtub quite a while ago. You know those words are shining in my heart and through my mouth.
Oh Lord you are so good to me. Who am I that you would bless me SO? Who am I? I am dust. But I am Your dust. Thank you Father. Thank you for Hudson. Thank you for Andrew, Logan, Hayden, Anne Pearce, and Essie. Thank you for my friends and family. Thank you for these people reading this story, and thank You for letting me tell it. I am nothing. You are everything.
What are you waiting for friends? Let go, and let God make a miracle in your life!
I love you all,
Monday, October 1, 2012
Have you ever noticed that there are times when you can’t get one thing done in an hour, and there are also times when an hour seems like a year with 100 million things accomplished? I want to talk about an hour. The hour I want to talk about will probably be more than one post. I’m going to write about it, until I feel like it’s time to stop. A lot happened in this hour.
Remember in the earlier post when I told you that the day we got “the call” I had left my phone in my bedroom? One million things happened from the time I picked my phone up until we actually walked out the door to meet Alex. Have you ever been blind sighted by something?? You know those times that something happens, and you just don’t know where to put it? You hear words. You know what the words mean, but you don’t understand that those words are for you. You are overwhelmed in less than a second by words that TOTALLY change and redirect your life. We have a choice in that moment. We can trust selfish predictable scared selves, or we can reach out and take that perfectly scarred Hand of Jesus and let Him pull us to a new place in Him. I’d like to tell you that in that instant I immediately went for Jesus, but I didn’t. I retreated to that safe place inside of me that I had created. There was a safe place inside me that had walls built around it…the walls were there as protection, and I know that God put some of those walls in place to protect my heart….not because He didn’t think I could handle anything else, but because He loves me so much He didn’t want to see me hurt anymore. Once those walls were there they were mine… I could choose to keep them in place, OR I could choose to let God throw a few sticks of Jesus dynamite and blow that wall to smithereens… When things are happening like this we don’t see the choice this simply….all of the pieces of overwhelming stimulus are coming at us like arrows… one after the other after the other after the other. Each arrow shows us a completely different scenario based on fear, uncertainty, confusion, rage, selfishness, pride, vanity, SELF. God doesn’t shoot arrows at His children, but we know who does. So….. What does a girl do when she’s being attacked by 10,000 fiery arrows, and her husband is in the other room even more freaked out than she is??? She calls her best friend.
Oh my sweet Natalie. I will tell you that tears started flowing at the first word of that sentence. My Natalie. My gift straight from God. My sweet darling Natalie who has held my hand through every step of this way…. My Natalie who has had to hear more pain and grief in my voice than anyone should ever have to hear from someone they love. My Natalie has grieved with me. She has held me up. She has prayed for me when I couldn’t pray for myself. She has believed in me when I couldn’t believe in anything. Even though is she many many miles away physically her spirit is ALWAYS here with me. It’s funny, because when I call her sobbing I usually start with, “Don’t freak out but……” or “NAT!!!!!”….. OR “a lot of incoherent sobbing that sounds like
to which she always replies without fail, “Oh hun”. Oh hun. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard that and just what comfort and certainty come from those 2 simple words. I’m sure you’re thinking that immediately Natalie screamed at me that there was no decision to make….that I was supposed to immediately go meet this girl, BUT Natalie doesn’t operate that way. She is the mish to my mash. She is the potato to my patatoe….the tomatooooo to my tomaaaato. LOL. She is ying. I am yang. Yet we fit perfectly together. Since we are ying and yang, Ying has felt the same pain Yang has felt, and she doesn’t want Yang to feel anymore unnecessary pain. You guys know the tip of the iceberg when it comes to situations and possible babies thrown our way. Natalie has been on the Titanic the whole trip. YET. After her initial shock she is ALWAYS able to take a step back and just listen…just process…. I know she is praying constantly as these things happen and seeking guidance. I know that she secretly wants to come throw a big cloak over me, so the pains of the world can’t hit me anymore. I know that she wants to come get me and take me to Target for a Diet Coke and just pretend like this isn’t happening to me, but she doesn’t.
In the over 5 years that Nat and I have been best friends she has helped me make every monumental decision and a million tiny day to day decisions. Sometimes she just listens until I finally get it myself, BUT most of the time she feels very strongly about situations one way or the other. This time she just didn’t know. We didn’t know. We both just sat on that phone and cried, while I am trying to find God’s path for me and my entire family in a few short minutes…. When we are like this we may not be on our knees, but I know our Father is with us. He hears us. He guides us…. He leads us.These conversations are honestly some of the most precious prayer times you can imagine, and I trust what comes from them without hesitation.
Oh my Natalie. My precious Natalie. I thought this post was going to be about the decision I made that day, but instead God led me to share with everyone the way He helps me make the biggest decisions of my life. When I am beside myself and can’t even just BE with Him for all the arrows flying He sends me a shield in the form of a precious blond haired Mormon from Utah. He sends me my soul sister. He sends me the one whose spirit I’ve known all my life without knowing it. He sends me my Natalie.
My dear Natalie, I love you more than words can say. You know what you mean to me, and I know what I mean to you. I do want to take this minute just to thank you, although thank you isn’t enough. Thank you for being you. Thank you for loving me even when I may not be the most lovable. Thank you for ALWAYS trusting the Spirit in me and NEVER once thinking I’m crazy (well besides my constant crazy)… Thank you for listening to our Father and holding my hand through all the roughest seas I can imagine. I’ve told you many times that I don’t know what I EVER did to deserve you, and I know that I don’t. I am so thankful He gave you to me anyway. This journey is beautiful now, but thank you for navigating all the mountains, valleys, rocks, and boulders that we’ve had to go through, over, and around to get to this spot….and what a sweet spot this is. The only day that will be better than bringing Hudson Roberts Lynn home will be the day that I hand him to you, Natalie Roberts.
“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us” 2 Corinthians 1:4. You ALWAYS give me comfort. ALWAYS, and I KNOW that comfort comes straight from God Himself.
I love you. Jonk.