A little less Loulou….. a lot happier

Last year when I was in Utah visiting my bff Natalie I made a horrifying discovery. I was fat. Ever since I was diagnosed with dysautonomia and my health went downhill I have basically let myself go. Being sick and not being able to do the things I used to do put me in a great big depression. I ate and ate and ate and ate. I didn’t weigh myself….Who cared what I weighed? I was sickly and in a funk. Bring on the chocolate. Bring on the fried chicken. Bring on eating 2 plates of food if I “needed” it. My realization came when I had to step on Nat’s scales to weigh by bag. Now let me preface by saying that I know this number isn’t what most people consider fat, but it is fat for me. It makes my BMI too high and is not considered a healthy weight for my frame and height. When I saw that I weighed 160 pounds I wanted to cry. My normal weight has always been anywhere from 130-140. I “normally” wear a size 4-6. I was piling out of my Ann Taylor loft size 10’s (which is a 12 in most other brands). I had fat hanging over all my pants, and I was miserable. I was ashamed, and I knew I was very unhealthy. When I got home and saw this picture I knew I had lost control. It’s not just how fat my face looked and the fact that I was sporting a double chin….Look how unhealthy I look….how bloated and yucky my skin looks…. ARGHHHHH. THIS is not Loulou.

I came home and planned for the big “change”. I started watching what I ate and was running. I assumed that the running would just make the weight fall off of me. Uh uh. It didn’t. I’m sure I got some health benefits before it made my heart go absolutely nuts, but it didn’t work a miracle. You can’t eat whatever you want and justify it by “running it off”.  I did lose about 10 pounds last spring and summer…. I actually lost 14 for about 10 minutes. Seriously. One time I weighed 146…for 10 minutes. I fluctuated between 148-150.  This is me last May after losing 10 pounds….. I could see some improvement but knew I still had a LONG way to go.

By Christmas I was back at 150-152 and stayed that way all winter. I was more comfortable in my 10’s but still feeling yucky all the time. I had a really bad time this winter with my health. I passed out while running downtown…. I had several bad episodes after that and actually passed out when I was home alone with the girls for the first time. It scared me to death.

This March I totally changed my outlook. I finally GOT it….what works for me, and it’s very simple. I started recording everything I ate and counting my calories. I use a program on my phone called Lose it! to hold myself accountable. Since March I have lost 15 more pounds for a grand total of 25 lbs. Since March I have gone from size 10’s to a 4 or 6.  That side of the weight loss is great and motivating, but I’ve noticed more important changes. My health is SO much better. It makes sense. I was putting so much unhealthy crap in my body that I couldn’t help but feel horrible. Now that I’m eating more lean meats and fresh fruits and veggies my body is functioning so much better. I haven’t passed out since late winter. I still have issues with my dysautonomia, but I’m able to control them much better. I still eat the things I love but in moderation. Sometimes I fall of the bandwagon, but I climb right back on. My weight these days fluctuates anywhere from 134-138. I don’t beat myself up over a few lbs., but when I start creeping towards the 138 I really start paying closer attention to my food intake. It usually takes a week or so of very healthy eating and 1170 calories per day to get back down. If I’m gonna have a day where I know I’m gonna eat a lot of bad stuff (like I did at Essie’s bday dinner) I try to make up for it the day before and after. It’s all about moderation. If I want lasagna at our favorite Italian restaurant like I did today I eat half. I eat just a few bites of the potatoes or pasta. I eat a spoon of rice and double up on my broccoli.  I eat Klondike Lite 100 calorie bars instead of ice cream. When I really crave sweet I eat an orange or some other kind of fruit. I have totally fallen in love with fruit! I could eat fruit all day! It’s the best “sweet” in the world, and with oranges being around 70 calories I can have one per day.

 

Since losing 25 lbs. I have gone from the chubby pictures above to this: THIS is me. This is the Loulou I’ve been missing. I know I’m no skinny stick by any means, but I am at a good healthy weight for me.

Last summer on a date with Andrew at around 150 lbs…..

This Easter at 136 lbs.

and us 2 weeks ago at the beach where I wore a bikini without freaking out…… I’m no supermodel, but I’m comfortable in my own skin.

I know I haven’t mentioned exercise….That’s because I haven’t been doing any. My body can’t handle more than one big change at a time. I lost the weight strictly from watching my calories. Now that I’m at my goal weight I’m going to SLOWLY start adding some exercise to tone all this business up….. S L O W L Y. I had a little boobjob  I mean surgery, almost 6 weeks ago. That was my gift to myself for losing all that weight and something I’ve wanted to do for years. There no shame in it…..I’m thrilled! Since I had the surgery though I have had to restrict myself from exercise and strenuous activities like vacuumming.  Dang! You know I’ve hated not being able to do that! Monday will be 6 weeks, and I’m going to start adding some physical activities in then. My dr. also redid my pacemaker scar, because it had weakened over the years. That bubba has hurt WAY more than the other!  It’s healing too though, so I won’t be afraid of hurting it….

I am SO happy these days. I found my self confidence again and with that came my self esteem. I am proud of myself, and I love feeling beautiful and sexy for my husband. I feel like I am MYSELF again. Weight can’t make my life fabulous or horrible, or happy or sad, BUT it does affect the way I feel about myself and how I live my life. I am now living the life I’m supposed to be living. Free of the pounds and the emotional weight I was carrying.  And you know what? IT FEELS GOOD.

love you guys,