Sometimes I have really good stretches of time where I’m healthy. I’m actually functioning and living my life. Then it hits. My conditions. Last Thursday I started coughing and had the same crud most of you guys had or will have. The difference? By Friday morning I was passing out and throwing up on the floor. My hubby left me alone thinking I was asleep while he got the girlies ready for preschool. In that amount of time I ended up in a face plant. It wasn’t pretty. I was quickly reminded that I’m not anywhere close to normal. I may have little glimpses of health here and there, but they don’t last. It’s hard to admit to myself. I am disabled. Yep. I am. I have the blue placket that hangs from my rearview mirror and everything. Although I try to ignore it and be as normal as possible there are times that I can’t. I have learned to be SO GRATEFUL to God for these little windows of semi-normalcy. I really am. That doesn’t stop me from having pity parties here and there though. I am human, and I long for a healthy normal body. I hate missing things with my family. I hate that I’m in bed when they’re all doing something fantastic like going to the Christmas parade. I hate that there are so many things that I want to do but can’t. I know all you guys are thinking , “Hey, she does all that furniture and all those projects. SHE can’t be disabled”, and I don’t blame you for the thought. The truth is SHE has the vision, and her hubby does most of the grunt work. He does all the sanding and prepping…. the painting with the sprayer… He brings them to me to distress and glaze. He knows how much these things mean to me and keep me sane. HE is my angel. Andrew has always done everything he can to help me feel normal. There have been times when he’s done ALL the cooking and cleaning as well as the 100 loads of laundry per week (all the while he works a full time job). He’s taken the brunt of the parenting when I can’t handle the stress…. He does everything. That man meant it when he said, “In sickness and in health”. Andrew is a true example of what a hubby should be, and my life wouldn’t be anything close to normal without him. The best part? Yeah. He thinks he’s lucky to have ME?? Seriously? This falling apart 40 year old? Yup. He thinks I rock. It amazes me everyday.
I realize now (as I always do later) that all those projects before Thanksgiving pushed me right over the edge. I’m guilty of taking advantage of every bit of energy that I have instead of saving some up. Have I mentioned that I’m stubborn??
Please know that I’m really not sitting around feeling sorry for myself, although I do have brief moments. Today I am thankful that I was able to get out of bed today without passing out or being too dizzy to function. I am grateful that my heart seems to be beating with a normal rhythm….. I am thankful.
This blog is my outlet and always have been. I like trying to pretend that I’m superwoman and that I can do ALL these things ALL the time. I like to pretend, because it helps me cope. It’s important to me to tell the TRUTH. Don’t believe it all….. I’m not superwoman. I’m a mama just trying to do the best I can to make my house a home for my family….. Humor me sometimes when I’m going on and on about all the things I do or want to do…. then watch. I always crash. Now is the crash. It’ll take me a week at least to reach my semi-normal. There won’t be any big projects or decorating done. I’ll be lucky if I can keep the laundry going. If you’re healthy today say a prayer of thanks. I thank God everyday that I’m not any worse than I am. I COULD be a lot worse or have something even worse than what I have. I AM BLESSED. I would like to ask one favor. Today when you’re out doing something fabulous will you think of me?? Can we pretend like I’m doing it with you?? In my heart I will be.
Love and hugs.